|Is Your Boyfriend a Control Freak?
|by Becky Romero
August 13, 2006
That's a pet peeve of mine - guys who are control freaks. But recognizing that
your boyfriend is a control freak isn't always easy. Those of us
outside the relationship looking in, however, can usually spot it a
mile away. If you're losing friends because of the creep, it's probably
because he doesn't want them warning you. And a word to the guys: if
you are offended by this, it's probably because you yourself are a
So, here are some simple questions to ask yourself. If you answer
''yes'' to any of them, chances are you are in a relationship with a
control freak and you should nip it in the bud now. If he refuses to
change, tell him to hit the highway.
If you answer ''yes'' to several
of them, let me ask you this: why haven't you dumped the no-good loser
into the scrapheap of discarded boyfriends yet?
But if you answer
''yes'' to most or all, you may need professional help
because you may be suffering from physical and mental abuse and may be
having difficulty finding a way out.
Does your boyfriend tell you where you are going to dinner instead of asking?
Does he tell you what to wear instead of letting you decide yourself?
Is he jealous that you have platonic male friends?
Does he demand to know where you were if you missed his call or otherwise monitors your daily routine?
Do you find yourself losing touch with your female friends because they keep saying 'no' to invitations when they realize they will be around him, too?
Is he intolerant of your opinions, especially if they're different from his?
Does he insist upon passionately kissing you or fondling you at inappropriate times, such as in front of your work colleagues?
Does he get angry when you don't feel like having sex?
Does he embarrass you in front of others about your weight, clothing choices, opinions, so as to get them to agree with him in front of you?
Does he say things to embarrass you in public, such as saying that you need a spanking, when you say something he doesn't like?
Does he do things to embarrass you in front of others, as a means to punish you for whatever?
If he embarrasses you in public, ask yourself what does he do?
- Yells loudly at me and/or calls me stupid
- Unbuttons my blouse or snaps my bra
- Lifts my skirt and exposes my panties
- Pinches my butt or fondles my breasts
- Grabs me over his knee and spanks me
- Exposes my panties and spanks me
- Pulls down my panties and spanks me
Yes, indeed, some guys like to ''show off'' their ''possessions'' - much to
the embarrassment of the girl exposed and to the amusement of those
around. It's his way of showing others that you ''belong'' to him and
his way of punishing you for whatever ticked him off.
exposure and humiliation is often the ultimate controlling factor. If a
guy can get away with this (and many do), it is usually because the
girl has totally lost her self-esteem and self-respect. Sometimes just
the threat alone of a humiliating exposure is often enough to cause her to
give in. But, as with any threat, sometimes the perpetrator occasionally follows
through to the embarrassment of the girl involved, to show that any
future threats would certainly be credible also.
I grant unconditional permission, without relinquishing copyright, to anyone wishing to republish the text of the article above (either in print or online), but only if attribution is credited to me and the article is republished unedited and in its entirety. Please also use the entire Creative Commons copyright notice below (including the hyperlinks) if you republish it on the Internet. Use the biographical information about me if republished in print.
"Is Your Boyfriend a Control Freak?" by Becky Romero is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://depantsingqueens.com/copyright.html. Ms. Romero, a native of Chicago, will turn 21 in the fall of 2006. She attends college in the Midwest.
© 2006 by Becky Romero.
Where you dominated by a control freak? How far did his control go? How did
you break the relationship? And, most importantly, what advice would you
give others who are being dominated by a control freak?
Please vote in the poll I've created on this topic and to post your comments.
|Don't Be a Punching Bag!
If any of the boyfriends I've had had ever decided I needed an "attitude adjustment," pulled my panties down in front of a roomful of people, in private or public, and gave me a long, solid, embarrassing bare bottom spanking, I'd have dumped him - right after I was able to compose myself enough to do so and once the laughing from all the people watching began to die down.
But I wouldn't make a federal case out of it.
Sure, I'd be humiliated and feel quite ashamed everyone around saw me half (or perhaps even fully) naked. And crying. And kicking my legs open and about from the pain. And blabbering how "behaved" I'd be in the future.
But the spanking would eventually be over - and so would our relationship.
In essence, he'd get a freebie. There'd be no assault charges filed.
Touch me again, however, and he'd be lucky if all that happened to him would be a restraining order filed against him.
Some girls don't mind being spanked by their boyfriends. I'm not one of them, but neither do I frown upon those that do if it's consensual.
Ironically, I have been spanked by guys who were not my boyfriends but who I had only strictly platonic relationships with. Those few times were usually the result of embarrassing set-ups by my girlfriends. I wasn't too happen being forcibly bared (if I wasn't already caught like that) for those spankings but it wasn't the end of the world and our friendships weren't adversely effected.
I also don't have a problem with turnabout being fair play. My sister-in-law will occasionally spank my kid brother (yes, he's her husband).
But there's a difference between a spanking and a beating.
I don't believe any woman should remain in a relationship if she's a punching bag.
It doesn't matter if they are married (or not).
It doesn't matter if he has an alcoholic or drug problem.
It doesn't matter if he recently lost his job.
It doesn't matter if he "had a difficult childhood."
It doesn't matter if they have kids.
It doesn't matter if she doesn't have a job.
It doesn't matter if she thinks she hasn't a place to stay.
It doesn't matter if she thinks he'll be even more angry.
If you're in a physically abusive relationship: get out now!
A restraining order may be in order, too. But if it is, don't rely on it for safety. Move to a secure location and seriously considering purchasing and learning how to use a firearm.
In fact, I advocate changing the law to require abusers to reimburse their victims for a firearm and the cost of training on the use of it. I'm sure the anti-gun lobby will hate me for that comment, but when do you ever see them putting themselves in harms way to protect potential victims?
Here are some helpful links if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship:
In the U.S: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
Canada: see organizations by province.
U.K.: call Women's Aid at 0808 2000 247.
Australia: call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732.
Worldwide: visit the International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines and crisis centers.
The Depantsing Queens
the Bad Girl Spanker
What happens when a small group of bratty and way too over-confident young college coeds take on a guy who calls himself
"Bad Girl Spanker"?
The Urban Dictionary defines 'owned' as:
"Total and undeniable dominance of a person, group of people or situation as to make them/it akin to one's bitch."
As you can view here, that pretty much sums up how we were quite firmly put in our place.